Jan. 21st, 2014

morethanthese: (Default)
I would like to go on the record to say that I do not deserve my queerplatonic partner.

If you're like me and you treat a person the way I treat my queerplatonic partner, you don't deserve that person. And I'm not saying I treat her badly. I don't. It's just...

You don't deserve someone who you view as an emotional resource. You don't deserve someone whose relationship with you you describe as symbiosis. You don't deserve someone who knows you're a narcissist. You don't deserve someone to whom you've said - and this is as near a direct quote as I can pull from my memory - "I don't have empathy, but sometimes I get attached to people and they become an extension of me, like they're something of mine, so their emotions are my emotions and any harm done to them is like, 'Don't do that to my person!'".

You bloody don't deserve someone you know views you like an animate object, who has repeatedly told you this, and whose kindness, abundant though it is, will never erase the fact that they view you and everyone else as a lesser or even just different form of life.

You don't deserve someone like that. Hell, if you're anything like I just described, you don't deserve anyone.

Yet I've described myself, and I have someone, and I do not deserve this person or anyone else, and I have someone, and I have her, and it's a strange, astounding fact of the universe that I do.

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January 2015

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