I've been trying to build my Mind Palace.

I tried building my Mind Palace before but it didn't really "stick" because I think I was trying it just to try it and not building it from something that was already going on in my head. You see, during my "sessions" with Dr. L, I realized that in some cases (where envisioning myself in a different place was beneficial), I saw us in a particular room a lot.

The walls of that room were deep red (kind of burgundy) and there was a long dark table taking up the center of the room. There was also an upper level of the room, which started about two-thirds of the way up the room and was built projecting from the walls. There was a rail around it, and a ladder leading up to it. There were also what I assumed were bookcases lining the walls of the upper part.

I described it to someone later and they said it seemed "VERY Hannibal-inspired". I then explained to them the thing about Dr. L modeling himself after Hannibal Lecter and all that, so the fact that my mind automatically set it in a Hannibal-like room made perfect sense. (It was specifically modeled after the room where the infamous "Did you just smell me?" scene takes places, incidentally.)

Yesterday, Dr. L and I went to the Mind Palace to figure out what exactly I was imagining and to see if we couldn't make it a little more specific. He was standing in the upper level, watching me as I paced slowly around the room trying to figure out what to make it look like.

We started with the table. I had previously made this assumption that it was a pool table, and we questioned that assumption. I realized that the only reason I had assumed it was a pool table was because pool tables tend to be large and found in the center of rooms. We determined I saw the table there because I liked the evenness and the balance. It helped me, Dr. L said. We therefore decided that it's just a table (though...weirdly absent of chairs, and I didn't realize that until literally just now), but it can turn into a pool table if, for whatever reason, I want to see Dr. L playing pool (because we decided that, in some cases, it would be beneficial for me to come in seeing Dr. L doing something casually, like I was just walking in on him and not arranging a therapy session or whatever).

As for the upper level, we decided that the things lining the walls are indeed bookshelves, and all the books are either books I own, or books I've read but don't own, or books I want to read/own, or the sort of books I'd read/own. None of them are my copies, though, in that they're copies someone else owns. (As in, if I looked at them, I would not go, "Oh, that's my specific copy of [insert title here]".)

At this point, we realized that there was nothing in the room that belonged to me. And maybe it was because we really hadn't gotten the furnishings and stuff down yet (maybe some stuff of mine will appear there later), but the fact remained that none of the stuff there was anything I identified as my own. Which was odd, given that very often, having my own stuff around helps me psychologically. Dr. L made a box that contains in it some of my things (my knitting, my headphones, my blanket, my stuffed animals, etc.) He tossed me a few of them from where he was on the upper level, and I noticed after I was back in reality that they didn't fall in an arc (like things do when you throw them in the real world) but instead came to me in a straight line. I also realized after returning to reality that at one point, Dr. L came down from the upper level by standing next to the ladder and just sort of...falling down to the floor. Like, say, in poorly-done video game graphics or something. I didn't question it at the time. Like you wouldn't question it in a dream.

Today, we were in it briefly, mostly because I just wanted to be in it for a bit. Dr. L was playing pool (because I wanted to walk in seeing him doing something there already, which he was alright with). When he noticed me, the surface of the table became a normal table and not a pool table. We talked a little bit and then tried to figure out if there were chairs in the room. We decided there were at least four chairs in the room, one in each corner. That was basically what we did; I had trouble properly being in my Mind Palace that time 'round but that made sense because I was just killing time while waiting for something.

Next time I go there, I'm going to make it a point to work on:
* The chairs
* Small tables separating bookcases
* The walls, floor, and ceiling
* Adding other furniture
* Doors

This is just one room of the Mind Palace and we don't have a name for it yet. We've been calling it "The Therapy Room", knowing full well that's not necessarily what I want to accomplish with it. (I think I want to do things in it that aren't actually therapy. Hence the arrangement that I can walk in on Dr. L doing something casual without the intention to have a therapy session.) However, I'm going to refer to it as "the Mind Palace" with the stipulation that I just mean one room of it. I'm going to explore some more rooms later, but only once I've got this one somewhat more solidified in my mind.


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January 2015

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