morethanthese: (Default)
I'd like to discuss a problem I have. It is about making an attempt to consume non-problematic material. The problem is that all the popular stuff is problematic (that is an exaggeration but not a huge one.) I'm aware that the case may be that, because it's popular, it has more visibility, and that allows a greater number of people to be aware of and criticize its problematic elements.

But the attempt to consume non-problematic material (not even because I'm being "socially aware" or anything - which is a perfectly valid reason for doing something by the way - it's just that consuming material that has glaring problematic flaws bothers me to the point where I cannot enjoy the thing), I have begun to consume material that few people have heard of. And this is a bit of a lonely experience.
It's all well and good that some people on Tumblr have heard of the things I like, but people IRL haven't. I used to bond with people over Doctor Who and Sherlock. Now I have lost the ability to enjoy these things (well. I've totally lost it with Sherlock and the only reason I associate myself with Doctor Who and all is for personal reasons and the fact that it has a longer history than some of the other things that are hailed as problematic, and somehow this...changes things for me, I don't know why).

I'm not going to find myself in a queue see someone wearing a Gravity Falls shirt and talk to them about the show because we immediately know we have that in common. I'm not going to see someone reading ´╗┐The Secret History´╗┐ and start fangeeking over it with them. I'm not going to notice a Caustic Soda button on somebody's bag and launch into a round of "lesser of two evils" with them. (Hell, the last of these things mentioned doesn't even have a Tumblr fandom, it doesn't have a fandom like at all.)
I wish my ethical and personal concerns didn't make it so that I can't meet people who like the same things.
morethanthese: (black books)
I am using Gaia online again. (My username's "The Wordsmithy".) I got a few new items today and I altered my avatar so that it now looks like this:



It now has a rather Arthur Dent quality to it and I can imagine it with an English accent. Yes. This is good.
morethanthese: (cabin pressure)
I talked to someone I vaguely know about my relationship problems today. She suggested that I break up the relationship. Weirdly enough, now that I've had someone literally verbally (this was an IRL conversation) talk to me about this, I feel more like carrying on with it than anything else. I think it's because it's been acknowledged in real life. (I had previously only talked to Jared about it, and only once, and over text.) That makes it real. That means I can choose whatever I want with it.

*

I was doing some research on tulpas today for various reasons, and...I think Dr. L might be a tulpa. Actually, maybe all my facets are tulpas. I know the defining characteristic of a tulpa is that one creates them on purpose, but what if I created them on accident? Tea has said that he's the way he is because that's how I see the character as whom he started out. Dr. L is insistent that he's just a part of my mind come to life but some of our interactions have been like nothing so much as me trying to visualize him and me controlling certain aspects of him (such as how similar he is to Dr. Lecter - again, a character as whom he started out, although also a character from whom he consciously deviated). Maybe I was creating or shaping them and it was totally unconscious.

I think I might try to create one on purpose now. I'm going to wait, though. I want to get a little underway with Dr. L (and Tea - he's come back lately, bidden for totally unexpected reasons, and he's changed a little bit. Not necessarily for the better. During the time he was back, he dissociated, and I think we need to address that.)

Maybe I've finally found a word for what has been going on in my head.
morethanthese: (dramatic hannibal)
Today I realized that the "ideal person" I had imagined the other day could probably technically exist (in that there's nothing about the specifications about them that could not exist in a real-life person) but would probably also be very rare and difficult to find and I would probably never meet them.

I don't know which bothered me most - the realization that I do have a dream person or the realization that said person will probably remain a dream.
morethanthese: (Default)
I went to the Mind Palace yesterday night. I think I was a little nervous. I didn't want therapy, I just wanted to be there. Dr. L and I played pool despite my total lack of knowledge on how to do so. It works like dream logic, how you can do something in your dreams even if you have no real-life capacity for it. Then I left and he played pool while I held onto my stuffed dog, my back to the table. I imagine myself standing in that room holding onto my stuffed dog a lot now. When I'm anxious or unhappy or experiencing a lot of emotion of whatever kind.

Dr. L asked if I wanted to explore the new rooms I had created. I said I didn't. I just wanted to be in the room I already knew. We decided to call it the Red Room rather than the Therapy Room. Because it has red walls and frankly, I don't want to use it for therapy all the time, I don't want it to be known just for therapy.

Today, I was able to go there in the car on the way to school. I was there only briefly. I stood with my back to the table, holding the dog again. Dr. L asked me what was going on. I was nervous. He knew it was about school but he asked me why anyway. I told him. He made some sort of highly logical and analytical statement to the effect of "you can do it, Jude".

Progress is made. I like the Red Room. I like my Mind Palace.
morethanthese: (Default)
Remember how I said I'd work out some of the details of the Mind Palace today? (Well, it was yesterday when I said it, but I'm saying it again now.) Well, I found myself needing to go to it because I was having a dialogue with myself about writing and the reasons I write, and I realized this would be a good conversation to have with Dr. L in the Mind Palace.

So I went to my room (I wasn't there when I had the thought), lay down on my bed, covered myself with my shock blanket, closed my eyes, and went there. (I find that being on my bed, lying down, with the shock blanket over me, tends to be the conditions under which I'm best able to go to the Mind Palace, though I can go there when I'm in other places.) When I got there, Dr. L was standing on the upper level, starting to verbally review the subject we were going over. For some reason, I realized that I had never been on the upper level, so I climbed up the ladder to join Dr. L. We talked about my writing (we concluded that, while I don't like writing overall, there are some ways in which writing helps me - not the least of these ways is the fact that I can use it to put forth ideas and characters that I think help me and that I am not finding in other media - and the smaller aspects of writing combine and are big enough to be good reasons to keep writing).

After we had that talk, I went to sort out some of the physical specifications of the Therapy Room. There were four chairs in each corner, I determined, and there were four doors in each wall. In the middle of each wall, I noticed. I decided to go through the door that I face directly every time I appear in the room to see what was behind it. Dr. L asked me if I wanted to go with him. I said no, thank you. He was cool with that.

I went through the door and found myself in a very vague-looking room that had an upper level like the Therapy Room had, only it was much higher up from the floor, and the ceiling was much higher. I explored it a little bit and realized it looked very much like the interior of a restaurant my family and I have gone to sometimes. (The restaurant is called the Old Spaghetti Factory; there's awesome lights and lamps in it and there's giant stairs that lead up to an upper level and stuff's made of wood and it looks old and awesome. That's an awful description but I suppose you can look it up online. A Google search would yield some images.)

Anyway, I walked along the upper level, looking at things. I hadn't meant for the place to be the restaurant, but some of the details of the restaurant started filling in, including the sound of people talking and eating. Then I realized I could turn it off if I wanted to, which was great because I'm not too keen on sounds like that. (They're just...not fun, you know how that is?) But I found I could also turn it on again if I wanted to.

I ran down the upper level to find its end or some stairs down, only to realize that it would go on forever if I didn't make some stairs. So I made some, and for some reason, the part in Frozen where Elsa makes the stairs that lead up to her ice palace came to mind. It was at this point that I realized I could change and make things in this room, and I got VERY excited about all this. I felt a lot like Elsa building her ice palace during "Let It Go", really, and that was awesome.

It was at this point that something interesting occurred. I've determined that my perceptions in my Mind Palace are a lot like my perceptions during dreams. I tend to dream in the third person - that is, I control my own actions, but I see myself as though I'm watching a movie and I happen to be able to control the actions of one of the characters. Also, I'm not always myself in my dreams. Sometimes I'm a character from something I'm already familiar with, or sometimes I'm a character of mine, or sometimes I'm a character who exists only in the dream. In the Therapy Room, I look like Will Graham from Hannibal (don't worry, nothing creepy occurs between Dr. L and I, it's just that it's convenient for me to envision myself as this person, especially since I can't see my actual self from the outside but I can see fictional characters from the outside, especially if they're from a film medium. Sometimes in my Mind Palace, I switch between first and third person. That is, sometimes I'm looking at things as though I'm really there, and sometimes I'm looking at me-as-my-character doing things in there.

So anyway, I'd previously been exploring this new room in first-person, but when I made the Frozen connection, I started seeing myself in third person as Elsa, and I thought that was awesome. It was shortly after that that Dr. L appeared beside me (I wanted him to). He told me he liked what I had created, and he liked that I would continue to create in here. This room would be a new adventure, he said, and while the basic shape was formed, there were details I'd be able to fill out.

We briefly went to...oh no, I can't remember if it was the upper level or the lower level (I'll check next time I go there). But some part of it, some part where, in real life, there's a bar where you can get alcoholic beverages. Actually, it was on the opposite floor where the bar is in real life (if my memory of the location is accurate). We went there, and I saw a shadowy bartender cleaning glasses and stuff.

"You can make him someone you know, if you want," said Dr. L. ("Someone you know" here meant "a familiar person or character" as opposed to "real life person you have met".)

"I don't want to make him anybody yet," I said. I was still trying to get used to the place itself and I didn't feel comfortable putting anyone else in it yet.

"That's valid," said Dr. L. (He says that a lot.)

We then discussed the fact that, if I wanted to, I could sit down at the bar and I could order something that I drink in real life (that is, tea or soda or something - something that wasn't alcohol). To add to the atmosphere of the place, Dr. L said.

I didn't think about it at the time, but Dr. L and I had a conversation where he said that my other facets might come back as people in certain rooms of my Mind Palace. I had one facet called Tea (ah, he was a joy. I might talk about him later) whom I sort of miss and whom one would very easily find in a location that was associated with beverages of any kind. I wonder if he'll turn out to be the bartender there. I don't know. I'm not there yet. I'm not sure if he's what I want in a location like that. I'll see what I want out of the place.

Well, anyway, we have a new room in the Mind Palace, and I'm going to have a fun time exploring it and building in it and finding out what it's for.
morethanthese: (tea 1)
I've been trying to build my Mind Palace.

I tried building my Mind Palace before but it didn't really "stick" because I think I was trying it just to try it and not building it from something that was already going on in my head. You see, during my "sessions" with Dr. L, I realized that in some cases (where envisioning myself in a different place was beneficial), I saw us in a particular room a lot.

The walls of that room were deep red (kind of burgundy) and there was a long dark table taking up the center of the room. There was also an upper level of the room, which started about two-thirds of the way up the room and was built projecting from the walls. There was a rail around it, and a ladder leading up to it. There were also what I assumed were bookcases lining the walls of the upper part.

I described it to someone later and they said it seemed "VERY Hannibal-inspired". I then explained to them the thing about Dr. L modeling himself after Hannibal Lecter and all that, so the fact that my mind automatically set it in a Hannibal-like room made perfect sense. (It was specifically modeled after the room where the infamous "Did you just smell me?" scene takes places, incidentally.)

Yesterday, Dr. L and I went to the Mind Palace to figure out what exactly I was imagining and to see if we couldn't make it a little more specific. He was standing in the upper level, watching me as I paced slowly around the room trying to figure out what to make it look like.

We started with the table. I had previously made this assumption that it was a pool table, and we questioned that assumption. I realized that the only reason I had assumed it was a pool table was because pool tables tend to be large and found in the center of rooms. We determined I saw the table there because I liked the evenness and the balance. It helped me, Dr. L said. We therefore decided that it's just a table (though...weirdly absent of chairs, and I didn't realize that until literally just now), but it can turn into a pool table if, for whatever reason, I want to see Dr. L playing pool (because we decided that, in some cases, it would be beneficial for me to come in seeing Dr. L doing something casually, like I was just walking in on him and not arranging a therapy session or whatever).

As for the upper level, we decided that the things lining the walls are indeed bookshelves, and all the books are either books I own, or books I've read but don't own, or books I want to read/own, or the sort of books I'd read/own. None of them are my copies, though, in that they're copies someone else owns. (As in, if I looked at them, I would not go, "Oh, that's my specific copy of [insert title here]".)

At this point, we realized that there was nothing in the room that belonged to me. And maybe it was because we really hadn't gotten the furnishings and stuff down yet (maybe some stuff of mine will appear there later), but the fact remained that none of the stuff there was anything I identified as my own. Which was odd, given that very often, having my own stuff around helps me psychologically. Dr. L made a box that contains in it some of my things (my knitting, my headphones, my blanket, my stuffed animals, etc.) He tossed me a few of them from where he was on the upper level, and I noticed after I was back in reality that they didn't fall in an arc (like things do when you throw them in the real world) but instead came to me in a straight line. I also realized after returning to reality that at one point, Dr. L came down from the upper level by standing next to the ladder and just sort of...falling down to the floor. Like, say, in poorly-done video game graphics or something. I didn't question it at the time. Like you wouldn't question it in a dream.

Today, we were in it briefly, mostly because I just wanted to be in it for a bit. Dr. L was playing pool (because I wanted to walk in seeing him doing something there already, which he was alright with). When he noticed me, the surface of the table became a normal table and not a pool table. We talked a little bit and then tried to figure out if there were chairs in the room. We decided there were at least four chairs in the room, one in each corner. That was basically what we did; I had trouble properly being in my Mind Palace that time 'round but that made sense because I was just killing time while waiting for something.

Next time I go there, I'm going to make it a point to work on:
* The chairs
* Small tables separating bookcases
* The walls, floor, and ceiling
* Adding other furniture
* Doors

This is just one room of the Mind Palace and we don't have a name for it yet. We've been calling it "The Therapy Room", knowing full well that's not necessarily what I want to accomplish with it. (I think I want to do things in it that aren't actually therapy. Hence the arrangement that I can walk in on Dr. L doing something casual without the intention to have a therapy session.) However, I'm going to refer to it as "the Mind Palace" with the stipulation that I just mean one room of it. I'm going to explore some more rooms later, but only once I've got this one somewhat more solidified in my mind.
morethanthese: (Default)
Also, even though no one reads my journal (or if they do, they don't say anything), and even though no one who is LIKELY to read this sort of journal is likely to make the following accusation:

I don't spend too much time in my head, and I am not disconnected from reality. I deal with my external reality on a very regular basis, and I am able to function in it perfectly well. I am perhaps a LITTLE less invested in it than I should be, but I don't think this involves a total disconnect.

The reason I seem to only talk about the things that go on in my head (that some people may very well discount as fake, crazy, imaginary, self-induced, or inconsequential) is because I'm using this space largely for that purpose. There are few times I can conveniently or safely talk about these things in my external reality (where "safely" means "without fear of being judged or viewed as different in a way that could negatively effect how people treated me"), so I use the internet. And even on some sites on the internet, I don't talk about these things because that's not how I want to typically use that particular space.

You're getting a part of my life and thoughts, not all of them. Kind of like how someone who, say, has a wine cellar doesn't necessarily subsist entirely on alcohol. Even if you've never seen any part of their dwelling other than the wine cellar, you've still only seen the part that was set aside for that particular purpose.

So yeah. I just thought it would be nice to clear that up.
morethanthese: (Default)
I was gone for a bit and a series of events happened.

Among other things, my facets returned (well, some of them did - two new ones appeared, too). They stayed for a while and while they're apparently/probably all here, the most-recently appearing facet (and the only one who was not in my system in any way until now) seems to have become the main facet now.

He calls himself Dr. L and he's a psychologist. He identifies himself as a part of my mind (specifically my capacity for reason and solving my own problems and helping myself) that has been given (by me, or so was the implication) the ability to talk to me as though it were another person.

We've been having "sessions" after a fashion in a room in what I call my Mind Palace (that is, I imagine I'm in a particular place, and he's there too, and we talk in it whenever I need to go over something and it can't be done when he's just a voice in my head). We're currently in the process of exploring my Mind Palace. If/when I make more posts, I'll post about that.

Also, I'm writing another novel and I might post about that as well. And I've gotten into the TV show Hannibal, which I would say is giving me a crisis (much like OFF did) but it's not causing me any sort of distress, so I can't properly call it a crisis. It's interesting though. (And for those who are wondering - yes, Dr. L has modeled himself after Dr. Lecter. But he claims he isn't actually Hannibal Lecter but has merely taken on "the accidents of Dr. Lecter" - he's using "accidents" in the sense of "the physical aspects of that don't inherently make the thing what it is".)

So yeah. That's happening. That's what I might talk about if I continue to talk about things.
morethanthese: (Default)
So I found a post on Tumblr about how to visualize one's "mind palace" (here's a link) and I decided to give it a try.

I'm getting the impression my mind palace is actually a bunch of connected locations. I visualized two of them today. One of them is the Art Room, which is blue and brown and gold and has one wall that's all books and another wall that's fleur-de-lys wallpaper, and in one corner is a desk with art supplies and a lamp and in another is a giant grand piano at which I can sit down and play absolutely anything. There's pillows and blankets and a table in the middle, and at one end is that sort of thing where it's like a bench with cushions but there's a window. The window looks out on a sort of overcast beach, the kind they have in Northern California. (I've been on a number of vacations that took me for short spans of time to the shores of Northern California, and they were really really nice wow and that's probably how that happened.)

The post suggested putting someone in your mind palace - a fictional character you connect to, or someone of your own making, someone who helps you fulfill the purpose of the mind palace - and there weren't any fictional characters who were really doing it for me, so I visualized someone who looks kind of like a character of mine called J but who isn't him. (He hasn't got a proper name but I got the distinct sensation that it's appropriate to call him "Ghost".) I drew the room and Ghost specifically, and on the drawing of him, I wrote, "He looks like a composite of different musician. Hair like he's from the Smiths, nose like he's from the Who, cheekbones like David Bowie, dresses like he's from Nirvana". He plays the piano, and something about him makes me with of Masada from Yume Nikki.

The other place was the Beach, which is the beach I can see from outside the Art Room. It's as I described previously, and I walked along it for a while. I've had dreams of the Beach before, so it was easy for me to visualize it. I don't remember how I got from the Art Room to the Beach - it's like in movies, how there's just a cut to another scene, or dreams, where you find yourself somewhere and you don't remember how you got there.

I'm going to be exploring more of it soon.
morethanthese: (Default)
I -

Something happened recently and it's been bothering me.

My facets are gone.

I don't know what happened, but there was a certain point at which I realized they weren't in my head anymore. I began to suspect it on the sixth of this month. January 6 is Sherlock Holmes's birthday, and given that he's one of my facets, I tried to summon him to celebrate it with me (since I had already been making plans to celebrate it as the birthday of a beloved fictional character and had totally forgotten that one of the residents of my head shared this character's identity and birthday). But I couldn't wake him up. I supposed that he just didn't want to be out, so I left it at that.

But a few days after that, I realized that my head had been empty for quite some time. There was usually a sort of "background noise" of sorts when my facets were still - occasional appearances made by them, little thoughts that were their own and not mine, comments on what I was doing - and it was entirely quiet. I hadn't noticed it but I noticed it now, and I think they really are gone.

A few people to whom I explained this problem told me that maybe they hadn't "disappeared" but instead became closer to me, or are really quiet. I don't think it's the latter. I think I would still feel the presence of more people than myself in my head. I do think they've become closer to me, but it's in the sense that their personalities and skills have all merged onto my own. They're still not here. They've just become me. Becoming someone doesn't mean they're still there with you.

True, it does mean that all the things they helped me do, I can do on my own now. I can be nice without Timothy. I can be responsible without Martin. I can appreciate my family without Loki. I can speak without Cecil.

But it still isn't the same. They were sort of like friends to me, and some of the things they did actually affected the external world, and it's so weird for these presences that did things that translated into the world outside their own to just not exist anymore.

There are some good things about not having them anymore. I don't have anyone else whose existence has to go unknown to most of the people I know. I can do things on my own, like I said before. And since my brain doesn't have to be taken up with their memories and thoughts, I think there's more room for my own. (Today, I read a very short factual book about a subject that interested me. Before, I probably would have remembered and retained about a third of it. This time, I retained everything except for a few anecdotes that were difficult for me to visualize. (It also taught me an interesting thing about how I learn: whenever I read something, I play it out like a film in my head. This I knew. But apparently I learn better when the film is clearer or easier to visualize. This is likely because, when I have to refer to the information, it's easier for me to do so. This could also be why it's so hard for me to remember science facts, even though science is really interesting to me.)

I still miss them, though. They were like friends, and it's going to be hard for me. I know this would seem so, so stupid to practically anyone else, but it's a bit important to me, and while I know it's probably for the best, it's not going to be very easy. Likely I'll miss all of them dearly, and probably one-by-one. I'll probably be doing things and think, "Arthur would have come out while I was doing this thing, and we'd have enjoyed it together" or "Loki would have been so happy to see my sister so happy". I'm certain I'll find it much harder to do certain things because I don't have someone in my head to call up to help me do it.

Just because it's for the best doesn't mean it feels good.
morethanthese: (Default)
The other day, I found out an interesting and helpful fact about my Sherlock facet.

He is extremely good with organizing things and staying focused while doing so.

I'd spent about a full week away from home, and when I returned, I found all my presents from Christmas, still in my room in the relative disarray in which I left them. I had to put them all somewhere, and I didn't want to do it.

Then, bam, Sherlock facet comes out and takes over. He analyzed the situation, determined where to put certain things, and he put them there. He was so keen on organizing things that he straightened up and put away some objects that weren't even part of the Christmas aftermath. (For example, he cleaned up and got rid of a lot of stuff in the bathroom drawer in which I keep my toothbrush. He threw away the things in there that I didn't need and reorganized the things that I did. Likewise, he cleaned up much of what's on my desk.)

Sherlock hasn't been out for a while, but when he does come out, he's really helpful and I get a lot done.
morethanthese: (Default)
I've been having these really bizarre moments of self-awareness lately. And it's not pleasant self-awareness. It's the sort of thing where you realize that you exist and everything you're doing and have done have happened to an actual person and that person is you and everything gets existential for a bit and you can't quite get over it for a while.

The first incident was on Tuesday. It was night, and I was at my grandparents' house like I usually am on Tuesday nights. My grandparents were asleep, and I went to the bathroom and noticed myself in the mirror. Maybe it's because they have a lot of mirrors in their bathrooms so I saw myself reflected more times there than I'd see myself reflected in most bathrooms, but I saw myself in the mirror and thought, "This is me. This is the body I pilot. I am looking at a human's body, and it is my own. It is the one associated with me. This is me. I see actually me in the mirror." And it was one of those moments and I had to leave the room and just sort of calm down for a bit.

The second incident was on Wednesday. I was in a bathroom again and I saw myself in a mirror again, and the same thing happened. Not quite as intensely, but it happened.

The third incident was on Thursday. I was trying to wake up my Arthur Shappey facet, because we were finally going to do a "cookie party" at my aunt and uncle's house that I had promised Arthur we'd do (he likes Christmas and I asked him if he wanted to do "Christmas stuff" with me, and this was the most appealing "Christmas thing"). He was sort of there but not entirely, and I wanted him to be there to enjoy it, but it just wasn't working. And then I realized how weird it is I have people in my head and how they're not really associated with my body, they're associated with my mind. And it was just so weird and I realized the surreality and weird layer of existence associated with them.

There was a bit more about Thursday than just that, though. It was also on Thursday that I realized, after two days of writing-related difficulty, that my characters didn't feel real to me and never quite had. There's a certain extent to which I'm willing to stretch my definition of "reality". I accept the world around me as real in the sense of physical reality. I accept the things in my head, like my facets, as reality in my head - you might call it head-reality. I accept religious things like God and angels as real in not just a physical sense (in that they are things that exist not just in my head) but also in a surpassingly-physical sense - like a super-reality, one might say. I accept stories and fiction as reality in their own contexts - not like I actually think things like A Wrinkle in Time or The Great Gatsby or Doctor Who happened with real people, but I accept them as having a sort of continuity that makes them "real" in their own contexts. There's different kinds of real.

Anyway, I'd been having trouble with my writing. I didn't feel motivated to write, and I didn't care about the story. I kept productive during those two days by writing some details about one character's backstory (or rather, things he did before the story's start) that would help me further the story's point if they actually appeared in the story, but I don't think I'm going to be able to conveniently work them into the story. I don't think that's what made me come to my realization, but I did realize that I hadn't been able to see my characters as real. I was invested in them and their relationships, but I didn't feel like they were real. I didn't believe in them. And as a writer, you have to believe in your characters and you have to think they're real on some level. It just wasn't working for me.

I told all my grandpa about this today while I was hanging out with him. He asked me how I was going to deal with it. I thought about it for a moment and said, "I'm going to stay away from mirrors." He laughed. I went on.

"I think I'm going to dissociate for a bit," I said. "I live in pretty much a constant state of dissociation - just doing things and not really thinking that it's me who's doing them. Just doing them. I think the reason other people don't think about these things like I do is because they're busy doing their own lives and not thinking about the fact that they're the ones doing them, that they're actually them, doing things in their bodies, in this reality. So I'm going to distance myself from the fact that I exist and just think about other stuff. Which is kind of the exact opposite of my problem. It's kind of ironic."

(My grandpa thought this was all quite interesting, and he said something to the effect that this is why he likes talking to me. We can get curiously philosophical together.)

That's been my experience with realizing that I'm real and that I exist and I pilot a body in the physical world and weird stuff like that. Interesting stuff to think about, as long as you don't have to think about it for too long.

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