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The end of my English class
Dec. 10th, 2013 10:09 amI've, uh, I've just gotten out of my English class. It's the last time that English class is meeting this semester, and I didn't know that. I thought we had one more day. As it is, though, we don't, and this was the last time I'm going to see my teacher and all my classmates. Or at least the last time I'm going to see them in that setting. It's not really likely we'll all ever meet again, though. It's not.
I told the teacher that I liked learning from him and I'm going to miss this class, which was my favorite college experience so far and will likely be the best I experience at this school. I suppose he could tell that I was sort of tearing up as I said it, because he said he had similar sentiments towards me. Like I don't even remember what he said (it wasn't like what I said) but I could tell the meaning was rather the same.
I then asked him what my grade was in the class. I had a 103 out of 100. I was extremely happy about this. I was actually proud of myself. That's huge for me. I'm never proud of myself, especially for academics. For me, 90+ percents are not something to be proud of, they're expected. (This is why my math class is so hard for me. I have a 73% and that's way out of the range of expected, acceptable grades.) But somehow I got that 103 out of 100, and that grade's permanent, and it's not going to change, and no one can take it away from me, and I'm proud of myself.
After talking to my teacher, I talked to one of my classmates. I told him I had grown to like him a surprising lot during the short course of the semester and that, for some reason or another, I had grown to trust him. And I found that strange, because it's very rarely that I trust people, and I don't know what I trusted him with or what I even meant by "trust", but I trusted him. He was pleased about this, and I began to tear up a bit again. He asked if he could hug me, because it seemed to him to be the "appropriate thing" to do. I let him, and that's odd for me because I'm touch-aversive. But that happened, and I left.
I don't know if I'll ever become real friends with this guy. I've got his e-mail so we can still communicate and stuff, and he seems to be as interested in me as I am in him (in a totally platonic sense, naturally), but one never really knows what's going to happen. I don't think I expect him to become a real friend. It's good not to have expectations like that. But whatever happens, I'm glad I had the experience of knowing him and giving him my trust, whatever that was all about and however that worked.
I told the teacher that I liked learning from him and I'm going to miss this class, which was my favorite college experience so far and will likely be the best I experience at this school. I suppose he could tell that I was sort of tearing up as I said it, because he said he had similar sentiments towards me. Like I don't even remember what he said (it wasn't like what I said) but I could tell the meaning was rather the same.
I then asked him what my grade was in the class. I had a 103 out of 100. I was extremely happy about this. I was actually proud of myself. That's huge for me. I'm never proud of myself, especially for academics. For me, 90+ percents are not something to be proud of, they're expected. (This is why my math class is so hard for me. I have a 73% and that's way out of the range of expected, acceptable grades.) But somehow I got that 103 out of 100, and that grade's permanent, and it's not going to change, and no one can take it away from me, and I'm proud of myself.
After talking to my teacher, I talked to one of my classmates. I told him I had grown to like him a surprising lot during the short course of the semester and that, for some reason or another, I had grown to trust him. And I found that strange, because it's very rarely that I trust people, and I don't know what I trusted him with or what I even meant by "trust", but I trusted him. He was pleased about this, and I began to tear up a bit again. He asked if he could hug me, because it seemed to him to be the "appropriate thing" to do. I let him, and that's odd for me because I'm touch-aversive. But that happened, and I left.
I don't know if I'll ever become real friends with this guy. I've got his e-mail so we can still communicate and stuff, and he seems to be as interested in me as I am in him (in a totally platonic sense, naturally), but one never really knows what's going to happen. I don't think I expect him to become a real friend. It's good not to have expectations like that. But whatever happens, I'm glad I had the experience of knowing him and giving him my trust, whatever that was all about and however that worked.
