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without them
Jan. 19th, 2014 12:29 pmIt's been getting better, not having my facets. There are a few regards in which I'm better off now, really.
Firstly, I can take credit for everything my body does. In the past, it used to be that one of my facets would do something helpful or good and people would thank me, and I'd accept the thanks but feel bad about it because it wasn't really me, it was Martin or the Doctor or whoever. But now, since everything I do is actually done by me, I can take all the credit. I'm more accountable for everything I do, and in my case, this is a good thing.
Also, for the facets of mine who were fictives (and most of them were fictives), I can now watch/read/listen to their source material without them having problems with it. I've been listening to a lot of Welcome to Night Vale lately because I realized that Cecil didn't like it when I listened to it (something about hearing it made him really self-consciously uncomfortable, like having to stare into a mirror for twenty-five minutes and contemplate the fact that you're looking at yourself). Now that no one in my head is going to be bothered by it, I can listen to it as much as I like.
I don't have anyone in my head making silly or dumb decisions that we think is a good idea at the time but turns out not to be. I don't have to deal with disrupting my conversations or anything. I don't have to deal with anyone's thoughts infringing upon my own. Possibly best of all, all my memory is my own. I don't have to have other people's memory taking up my own memory, and I've been able to really remember things lately. My short-term memory has improved, and that's amazing, because I used to have terrible short-term memory.
You know, in a way, it's almost like being free.
Firstly, I can take credit for everything my body does. In the past, it used to be that one of my facets would do something helpful or good and people would thank me, and I'd accept the thanks but feel bad about it because it wasn't really me, it was Martin or the Doctor or whoever. But now, since everything I do is actually done by me, I can take all the credit. I'm more accountable for everything I do, and in my case, this is a good thing.
Also, for the facets of mine who were fictives (and most of them were fictives), I can now watch/read/listen to their source material without them having problems with it. I've been listening to a lot of Welcome to Night Vale lately because I realized that Cecil didn't like it when I listened to it (something about hearing it made him really self-consciously uncomfortable, like having to stare into a mirror for twenty-five minutes and contemplate the fact that you're looking at yourself). Now that no one in my head is going to be bothered by it, I can listen to it as much as I like.
I don't have anyone in my head making silly or dumb decisions that we think is a good idea at the time but turns out not to be. I don't have to deal with disrupting my conversations or anything. I don't have to deal with anyone's thoughts infringing upon my own. Possibly best of all, all my memory is my own. I don't have to have other people's memory taking up my own memory, and I've been able to really remember things lately. My short-term memory has improved, and that's amazing, because I used to have terrible short-term memory.
You know, in a way, it's almost like being free.
