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A fear of mine
Dec. 11th, 2013 12:18 pmOne of my fears is that I'll someday be talking to my father and casually describe myself as "mentally ill" and he'll tell me that I'm not mentally ill because I'm a functional member of society and no matter how much I explain to him that these two things are not mutually exclusive, he'll still insist that I shouldn't view myself that way because he doesn't see how dysfunctional I am or want to see me as "mentally ill".
My mother accepted it when I described myself as such, possibly because she had a history of depression (which had mostly cleared up by the time she got married and that I never really knew a lot about). My father doesn't like to identify me with labels that he thinks aren't necessary or whose use he can't understand. So far, he hasn't said that I'm not mentally ill, but I'm scared for the day when and if he does, because my family's opinion of me means everything, and I'm horrible at maintaining my own opinions without other people believing them. I think it's because I feel like I constantly need proof of things (given that I don't trust my perception of reality), and if the only important people in my life believe something, it's sort of like proof. If they don't believe it, it's hard for me to reconcile my understanding that I am mentally ill with the lack of external confirmation.
My mother accepted it when I described myself as such, possibly because she had a history of depression (which had mostly cleared up by the time she got married and that I never really knew a lot about). My father doesn't like to identify me with labels that he thinks aren't necessary or whose use he can't understand. So far, he hasn't said that I'm not mentally ill, but I'm scared for the day when and if he does, because my family's opinion of me means everything, and I'm horrible at maintaining my own opinions without other people believing them. I think it's because I feel like I constantly need proof of things (given that I don't trust my perception of reality), and if the only important people in my life believe something, it's sort of like proof. If they don't believe it, it's hard for me to reconcile my understanding that I am mentally ill with the lack of external confirmation.
